I Must Have Him
by Megge
Summary: A very typicle "two girls get thrown into the Moulin Rouge, ignore Christian, obsess over hobbits, mess up everyone lives" type of story. Really. It's so dull. Don't even bother to read it.
1. Default Chapter

"Zidler, my hair is so messy! I can't go out like this!" Satine huffed, running fingers through her mass of silky red hair. She stuck out her bottom lip in a pouting matter and let out a little whimper she was sure would melt his heart.  
  
"Satine shut up and go out there." He commanded, hiding the urge to laugh at her face when he told her that.  
  
  
  
"He's a man whore, I swear." Kat growled as she walked down the hall with Megan.  
  
"Of course he's a man whore, most men are." Megan agreed sympathetically.  
  
"But he touched my ASS!"  
  
"Then he's a horny man whore!"  
  
At this they both burst into giggles, getting a few strange looks from their classmates in the hall. After a few seconds of silence, Megan added her brilliance to the conversation.  
  
"You know if Satine had a penis she would be a horny man whore too."  
  
Then something most strange began to happen. The light in the hallway dimmed, and then faded altogether. One would expect that after such a thing you could still see, but the halls were totally dark.  
  
"Kitty.can I ask you something?" Megan asked with a nervous tone in her voice.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Is this normal?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"But it's not a problem?"  
  
"Oh no, not at all."  
  
They had stopped walking at this point, and simply stared ahead into the darkness. Kat was preoccupied with the image of Elijah Wood while Megan was busy thinking of Dominic Monaghan. Then there was a sudden FLASH of lights.  
  
"Ahhh! I'm blind!" They both yelled in unison, raising their hands to block the light that now streamed down on them. Megan was the first to recover from the blinding lights, and she stood dumbfounded as she stared into a sea of VERY horny man whores.  
  
"Kat," she whispered nervously, "duck!"  
  
From her infinite movie knowledge she knew very well that a certain courtesan would be swooping down any moment. So, she and Kat hit the floor. Two seconds later a jazzy song started up and sure enough, Satine flew past on her little swing, nearly kicking them in the top of their heads.  
  
Megan turned her head to look at Kat, with a curious but eager expression on her face.  
  
"I don't know HOW or WHY, but we're HERE!" She squealed, and stood up. Kat was quick to follow, but they were swept to the side as a crowd of men dashed forward to see Satine.  
  
Megan and Kat stared at each other, a smile slowly spreading across their faces. In slow motion they turned their heads to find Christian, Toulouse, The Doctor, The Argentinean, and Sadie sitting at a table. They melted. Well, not literally of course, that would be gross. But they did resemble mush, and all they could do was babble in some incomprehensible language about them being cuter in real life.  
  
A howling whirl of pink feathers dashed past the two girls, scaring them both. Megan gritted her teeth as she watched the scene she'd watched so many times on her DVD player fold out before her eyes.  
  
"Kat, we can't let Satine have Christian! He deserves somebody better." Megan hissed.  
  
"Like you, I suppose?" Kat asked sarcastically. Megan smirked at this, and nodded her head.  
  
"Well he's no Merry......but......oh......oh......Kat, Kat, LOOK!" Megan said, her train of thought switching in mid sentence. Kat glanced at her tongue tied friend, wondering what could cause her to drool like that. Then she followed Megan's gaze and found herself staring at four hobbits.  
  
Sitting not too far away was a rodent. No, not a mouse, just a duke. He was staring ardently at Kat, and felt rather enamored with the girl. Beside him Zidler was babbling on about something, but he could not rip his eyes off of Kat.  
  
"I must have her." The Duke whispered.  
  
"I must have him." Megan whispered as she gazed longingly at a very confused looking Merry.  
  
"I must have him." Kat murmured as she stared lovingly at a most baffled Frodo.  
  
"I must have her." Christian mused as he stared at.........Arwen. 


	2. Is that Elvish?

"Mister Frodo, where are we?" Samwise Gamgee asked timidly. The small hobbit stared up at the bright lights, but was momentarily distracted when a very strange looking human dashed by. Certainly strange looking, yes, but beautiful. He noticed that nearly every female human look that way, and was overwhelmed completely.  
  
"Oi! Catch him, he's about to faint." Merry noted just seconds before Sam slumped backwards onto the mahogany floor.  
  
"Sam fainted." Kat stated. Megan nodded, not able to make her body do much else. When you were at the Moulin Rouge with your best friends and some hobbits, nothing could be better. Well, eating a 20 pound chocolate bar with chocolate ice cream while slurping a chocolate milkshake and not gaining a bit of weight might be better, but what were the chances of that happening?  
  
On the other side of the dance floor their stood another group of out-of- place type people, although these people were a bit taller. Legolas stood rigid, staring straight ahead while Arwen collapsed into Aragorn's arms.  
  
"This doesn't look like Rivendell." Boromir observed. Aragorn nodded tightly, trying to lay Arwen down.  
  
"What happened?" Legolas asked in a hushed whisper. No one heard him.  
  
"What happened?" Boromir echoed in a louder voice. Aragorn gave a small shrug of his shoulders. For the moment he was more concerned with the fate of Arwen.  
  
"Toulouse, excuse me a moment." Christian managed to say. The handsome poet made his way down a short flight of steps, and then walked across the dance floor. The beautiful actress could only follow him with her eyes, feeling quite insulted that a man had resisted her charms. What guy could resist her flamingo dance? With a soft huff she sat in his now empty chair ignoring the protests of the crowd.  
  
"How about a drink, Satine?" Toulouse lisped, shoving a glass of absinthe under her nose. Satine could only make a whiny noise and turn her head, now in full out pout mode.  
  
Meanwhile, Megan and Kat had recovered from their second shock. Nervously the two teenagers inched ever closer to the hobbits, which were to their dismay a lot shorter than imagined, but cuter as well.  
  
"Do you need any help?" Kat said in her calmest voice. The three conscience shirelings were nearly in tears from confusion and helplessness. While it was certainly unmanly she could not help but think how adorable they looked.  
  
"I am Frodo Baggins of the Shire.." Frodo began, throwing caution into the wind. "Could you tell us where we are?"  
  
"The Moulin Rouge. Oh, and I'm Kitty."  
  
"Moulin Rouge? Is that elvish?"  
  
"It's French." Megan interrupted. "And I'm Megan."  
  
"French? Is that a form of elvish?"  
  
"I think it's a form of Latin or something."  
  
"Oh." The hobbit said lamely, more confused than he had been before.  
  
"We're not in Middle-Earth, anyway. This is simply Earth. For some strange reason you're here on our planet." Kat said cheerfully. Upon hearing this the hobbits looked rather startled.  
  
"Where do you say we are?" Merry asked.  
  
"Earth. Specifically we're in France." Kat told him, though it was not an altogether comforting statement.  
  
"This must be some type of evil doing.." Frodo whispered softly to himself, looking at the two girls with distrust. 


End file.
